Well, my boss has left the office for a board meeting and I am compelled to blog. ..

In a little more than half an hour, I am going to lunch with a money manager from Santa Barbara Asset Management...but to tell you the truth, all I really want to go is go home for an hour and do nothing...I am stressed out and I have had a lingering stomach ache for the last couple of days...

I am supposed to have dinner with my Dad & Luis and some others tonight, but seeing as my dad's schedule is so strange - and given my luck - I won't believe it until we are all sitting at the table. It will be good to see family...

I had coffee and pie with Meera last night , which was really refreshing. I really needed to just get it all off my chest - all the shit that has been bugging me.

..I am sick of people being annoyed at me or mad at me for something I can't control. I am tired of everything always being my fault or my responsibility...and I am tired of thinking about being alone...it is a common theme that keeps being discussed in my household - about us being such a small family and me being so far from home and how if I don't try to get in touch with my cousins (who don't so much as think to contact me) then one day I will be alone...I know it sounds stupid to think about - or to even be worried about...but it just sucks...and it has been on my mind with all the stuff that has been going on with my family...work has been frustrating...life has been complicated - but that is the nature of the beast...and this I know...and I am not complaining, but merely venting...everyone reaches points in their lives when they just need to spill some of their concerns...and it feels good to do it in writing...i am thankful for the support i have around me - and for those who listen to me vent - even when it is the same shit over and over again...And I have to say - not to boast or anything - but I am proud of myself for keeping it all together and staying strong...it sounds lame, but about 10 months ago I swore to myself that I wasn't going to become that ugly person I used to be when I was stressed - all sad and moping and angry...that makes me someone no one wants to be around...I have worked very hard at keeping myself strong and relatively lax on stress...and it is working. I am a happier person because of it...