Ho Hum...

So it is monay morning, and I am sitting at my desk at work wishing I wasn't here. It is so damn slow right now...and there is stuff I could be doing to get ahead of the curve before the close of Q4, but I am just not into it...

So much has been going on it is insane...here are a few highlights:

*meeting and hanging out with Luis's new coworkers, who are all really fun people.
*celebrating my and Luis's 4.5 year anniversary
*lots of family stuff
*Christmas preparation stuff - and the madness that is created by said chaos
*gift wrapping
*working

Doesn't sound so crazy when I break it down like that, but oh well.

I have been something of an emotional wreck the last week or so...I have held back my feelings about stuff and been bottling it all up because I feel lame for being sad still, but I had to come to the realization (in an unfortunate way) that dealing with grief of that kind in that particular manner is more counterproductive than anything else...I end up taking it out in other arenas that don't deserve it...I also need to understand that 2 weeks after learning of loss is really not much time and I just need to roll with it and not supress it... everything happens for a reason...

I guess, as a summation, I can say that this year I grew up...I know how chessy that may come across, but I actually had to deal with life this year...I mean, I have "been an adult" for the last 5 years now, learning how to fend for myself and such...I have even been self sufficient for quite some time and learned how to manage my money and my work with my social life and other responsibilities - all things that constitute "adulthood"...but events that transpired throughout this year really hit me hard...I feel like I went through the "boot camp of being a grown up"...and I would like to think that of all the lessons I have learned this year, the best I will walk away with is to love with an open heart but yet be tough to what life will throw at you...

"To make a mountain of your life is just a choice. But I never learned enough to listen to the voice that told me 'always love - hate will get you every time. Always love - don't wait 'till the finish line' "