Wandering wearily through the day...

So much has been going on lately, I can't even really come up with a good place to start.

Here it is:

*Went to Australia in September for 4 days for a memorial service.
*Had hand surgery and am in a cast and have 2 pins inserted
*Having more surgery this week.
*feeling deflated and confused about my career and what I should do...

5 months down the road...

Okay, so my world has gone through some loop-de-loops in the last five months - since my last entry...There has been an intense shift from somber to elated - all within a matter of mere heartbeats, if you will.

On March 15th, my grandmother passed away. It has taken me five months to be able to put that in writing...it was an absolutely hellacious situation - simply mortifying...Nothing will ever be able to repair the hole that is now in my heart...Losing someone is always hard - especially when the person is so meaningful and involved in your daily life. But when you feel like that person has been ripped from you - in an untimley fashion - that is just not something to get over easily. When I am ready, I will tell the story and a tribute that will do her memory justice. But I am just not ready...

Luis and I went to Europe with my family on a cruise that we had all booked about a year prior. On said cruise through the Mediterranean, Luis asked me to marry him. It was perfect - not only because of the location, but also because the timing coincided with my 26th birthday and our 6 year anniversary.

Our wedding date is set for August 15th of 2008! The ceremony will be in a church in San Juan Capistrano (the same one in which I was baptized!) and the reception will be in Newport Beach at a hotel.

Lots more to talk about...lots more to come...

"The End is the Beginning is the End"

Welcome to my caffeine-infused life...

You wanna know what I have been up to? I have been up to my ears in stress...drama...tears...frustration...sadness...heartbreak...There are no words to adequately convey the amount of tension coursing through my soul. But, I persevere.

If this whole experience has done anything, it has shown me that there is so much pettiness on a daily basis that honestly just doesn't deserve any attention...I am learning to let go of the things that I can't control and make the most out of things that I can. I am learning to not take people in my life for granted. I am learning that life is not promised to anyone and that sometimes tiny mistakes lead to one massive fuck-up. I am learning that sometimes tragedy brings out the absolute ugliest in people - and sometimes it brings out the surprisingly best side of one's soul. I am learning that my faith will help me though the darkness and that family bonds can be so incredible. I am learning to find strength I didn't know I had...

and most importantly...

...I am learning that sometimes it is okay to say "good-bye".

"A little more and I'll fall off the planet entirely..."

Why, hello 2007!

In the usual fashion, I figured I should write out some new year's resolutions...even though I know I am probably going to fall back into my old habits before too long...

*Drink less caffeine

*Drink more water

*Work out more regularly

*Be more organized

*Read more

*Eat more healthy

*Drink less alcohol

So yeah, I know that most likely sooner than later I will go back to my seasoned, unhealthy ways...but I figure it is worth a shot...I didn't resolve to do anything too extreme or unmanageable...so we shall see...

The holidays have come and gone...I still can't believe how fast time flew by last year...I think working in the "quarter calendar" really makes time speed up...Especially because everything is planned out three months in advance...I already have my project schedule mostly assessed through March 31st...which kinda freaks me out...

I clearly think too much...(and anymore thinking and I may just disappear all together...hence the title of the blog, taken from a song...)

SO...this is my year to get my shit together...I am going to get what I want out of my career and learn to enjoy more of the little things in life...

I loved going up to SF for New Year's...I love my friends and it is always good to have some time to spend with them - especially since it seems as though that time gets to be fewer and further between...

...and I am completely enamoured with the city of San Francisco...One day...

It's strange...for the last three weeks I have been wanting to blog...I thought I had all these great topics to write about...but when I am faced with the blank screen and the blinking cursor, I realize I have nothing interesting to say...at all...which in an odd way makes me realize that one of the things I once loved to do more than anything really doesn't do it for me anymore...I need to find my writing again...I need to add that to the list of things I am going to tackle this year...

My grandpa starts his radiation therapy in the coming weeks...I am going to try to help him out with that...my grandma has her knee replacement surgery in three weeks, so it should be chaos down there when all this happens at the same time...Being with them and assessing their situations really inspires me to do something in medicine...I really want to help people...and I am fascinated with medicine and the body...but I know I could never be a doctor...and I probably don't have what it takes to go to nursing school either...so I guess I am never gonna do it...but part of me thinks it would be a rewarding field to get into...perhaps I could become a medical social worker...I dunno...For now I will just stick to trying to get my charitable organization under way...I am working on a business plan to put together a cancer group...I really want to get a group of people together to volunteer to do stuff for cancer patients...either patients in the hospital, in hospice, or just at home and going through treatments...I don't have all the details worked out, but I know it is something at the very least I want to do...

Besides all my lofty ambitions, career confusion, and daydreaming schemes, things are going really well...

Cross your fingers and toes...

Big things on the horizon...I need as much luck as I can get!!!

*more later when i am less busy...

"It's murder on the dance floor - but you better not kill the groove, baby!"

So, there is lots to chat about, dear blogger...

Let me start off with talking about Australia (photos to come):

* My cousin Melissa's wedding - SO much fun! Everything - right down to the chartered bus ride to and from our hotel, and my seldom empty glass o' booze - was so rad. And the best part was I felt at home with family, which is really important.

* Melbourne city highlights include touring the historic city jail, a hole-in-the-wall pub where my mom though for a sec she might have a had a past with the singer of the band. (The man who called me "the yank with the twangy accent", which was a first):0), the Old Victoria Markets, which is the best damn swap meet/farmers market ever, and lots of family time.

* Sydney for 1 night and 1 night only...Went around the harbour...Hung out in the Quay quite a bit. Went to the oldest pub in Sydney (located in the gorgeous Rocks district) and had a pint (or a pot, as they call it). Turns out that particular pub had some interesting history. It used to be a shanghi pub (i can't spell to save my ass anymore)...Toured the Opera House...Sat on Lady Maquarie's chair, ate at Harry Cafe de Wheels, took the fairy to Manly (a beach town), played some pool at the pub next to our swanky hotel...

* Brisbane was kicked off by a trip to the Breakfast Creek, which is the awesome old tavern converted to a grub restaurant. We "cuddled koalas", fed kangaroos, took tons of pics...Visited my Grandma's brother, who is in an Alzheimer's home...very sad...but good to see him...Went to my cousin Brucie's restaurant by the beach in the Bouroughs. Very trendly little wine bar/eatery overlooking the water. very awesome - bomb food and incredibly wine for free (with a dessert platter that was beyond impressive) is NEVER a bad thing...

So many other things happened but I am having issues remembering them right now...Got to hang out with some cousins I didn't know very well...Missed out on seeing a couple of the cousins I am close with, as they were out of town the short time I was there...which bummed me out a little...was really hoping Luis could have met them and we could have gone out like the last time I was down, but oh well...Made plans with Melissa and Chad *her groom* and my cousin Fiona and her husband to meet up again next year - somewhere in the world.

Halloween is tomorrow! BOO!!!! My costume is a "dirrrrty" cop...the costume explains itself...Went to two costume parties this past weekend and a bridal shower on sunday...Can't believe my friend Eve gets married in a little less than month! It kicks off 12 months of weddings, as I know so many people getting married...It's true what they say: it will seem like everyone gets married at once...just funny...

Reflections...

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin."

~anonymous~